Reclaiming My Power: A Journey of Self-Worth and Confidence

Since transitioning, I've found that getting back into the dating world is a lot more challenging than I anticipated. Before my transition, when I identified as a man, I seemed to have no problem attracting attention from men. As a feminine person, I often found myself the subject of admiration and desire. But once I began transitioning and truly embracing who I am as a woman, I noticed a shift. Suddenly, I was less attractive as a potential partner and more often seen as a "fetish."

At first, it was somewhat flattering. Men would approach me with interest, but it felt more about what I represented in their eyes rather than who I truly was. "Would you wear makeup and heels when we meet?" they would ask. It felt like they weren’t interested in my personality, my dreams, or the person I am inside. Instead, it was as though I was reduced to a role—something to be objectified or fetishized.

The more this happened, the more I felt disheartened and frustrated. It wasn't about me anymore. It was about an idea of me—an idea that wasn’t even rooted in my own reality. Over time, the compliments lost their warmth, and I began to feel gross. I began to feel like I wasn’t valued for my mind, my heart, or the dreams I held. I began to feel like I was just an object for someone else’s fantasy.

But that feeling didn’t last forever.

I moved back home, and something began to shift within me. Day by day, I found myself reconnecting with the person I truly am. I started wearing whatever made me feel comfortable—sweaters and jeans on some days, and on others, heels and a cute top. I realized that the confidence I felt in both styles was the same. The way I presented myself didn’t define my worth; my worth was already there, within me.

I began to see that my value wasn’t dependent on anyone’s perception of me or their desire to put me into a box. I wasn't just a pair of heels, makeup, or a specific gender expression. I am a person with my own thoughts, experiences, and dreams. The more I leaned into my true self, the more I realized that my power had always been within me. It was never about anyone else.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout this journey is that no one can make you feel less than unless you allow them to. It’s so easy to get caught up in other people’s expectations of who we should be or how we should look. It’s even easier to let someone else’s gaze define your self-worth. But I refuse to let that happen anymore.

I’m choosing to take my power back.

I’m choosing to recognize that my worth isn’t up for negotiation. It’s not based on anyone’s approval, anyone’s gaze, or anyone’s fantasy. My worth is intrinsic. It’s something I hold within myself, and it’s something I’ll continue to nurture every day.

The confidence I’m cultivating right now—whether I’m in a cozy sweater or wearing heels—is the confidence I’m reclaiming for myself. In time, I know it will become too much to handle (in the best way possible!). I’ve come to understand that the most powerful thing I can do is to embrace who I am, to be unapologetic in my journey, and to never, ever let anyone else determine my worth.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt that same kind of pressure or objectification, I want you to know that you’re not alone. You don’t need to change who you are to fit someone else’s idea of what’s attractive. Your worth is yours to define. Never forget that.

-Love Always Elle